OUT OF THE CLOSET

Forgive me, yes I admit it
I have to
I cannot stay in the closet any longer
Sheltered by fears,
Confronted by critics,
Always feeling like I have to hide
I can’t take it
I must come out
Sure I say I accept everyone
Sure I say we are all humans
Still, it hurts.
Yes, I am a heterosexual
There, I said it
Please, please don’t judge me
Look at who I am on the inside
A loving man
A husband
With good intentions
With a wife, not a man, but a woman
With kids that will be raised in man and woman environment
Please don’t think I am weird
Or that I lust for every woman
And if my fault is loving, loving
Well yes, women
Then look at who I am
Look at what I have done for my fellow man
(and woman)
I work hard seven days a week
And bless my heart
My partner, who is a woman
Stays home
She works too
Buys groceries, cleans the kitchen and bathrooms,
Irons my clothes for work, prepares my dinners,
Sweeps and mops the ever dirtying floors,
Takes care of our kids,
And all I do is work,
As a teacher,
I go to school,
I take care of 170 energized high school kids
I deal with 30 mixed emotions
50 minutes at a time
Seven times a day
Five days a week
And come home to my family
I help take care of them too
Yet, oh, I feel so bad
I can no longer deny who I am
Who I have been
And how I feel
Hetero – sexual
There, I said it
Why do I feel so guilty?
I know I shouldn’t
Why can’t I be gay?
Like society wants me to be
Like society likes and respects
Why am I judged constantly by others?
Just because I, well I, I prefer women
And when I sleep at night
Next to my wife, of the opposite sex
I pray:
Dear God,
Whether you are male or female
Please forgive me
Guide me
Through this lonely life of being
A, a-heterosexual.

He/or she, is my only judge
There, my soul is purged
I am out of the closet

Bluetown

Author: Ken “Bluetown” Trevino

Ken Bluetown Trevino is a poet, a playwright, surfer, father, and husband. He has a Bachelor of Arts in English from Incarnate Word College, and Associate of Arts in Behavioral Sciences from San Antonio College, and is currently working on his Masters in English at UT Brownsville. He has two daughters, one wife, four cats, one boxer (Duke), and a turtle named Shelly. When he is not working he enjoys reading, writing, and being with his family in Tepic, Nayarit, Mexico. Bluetown resides in Port Isabel Texas.

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