i feel used and manipulated that is all i could think of
i just feel like escaping this reality because i don’t find a solution
i have been struggling with this for a while
and no person on earth seems to understand
i feel pushed, insulted, compared…
i wish just to leave.. forget my family and my “friends”
there is no support or words of wisdom in anyone i find
i just feel like nobody cares
but the heck im 21 years old already
should anyone care about me if i am an adult already?
im just upset with this world and with everything in it
i hate the things that are going on in my life
i feel worthless and useless
i feel guilty
my life is empty
if i end my life..i think my granma and my sister would care ..
my aunt too.. and maybe my mom..
but they don’t give me the strength not to do it
if i escape and go try to make my life somewhere else
on my own
im scared my grandmother would have a heart attack for worrying
but she doesn’t give me the peace to stay
i should get away from them because i am no good
maybe i can go try living on the streets for a while
get on my car, find another city, find another church
find another place, find hope
im trying to escape myself..but what if myself follows me?
im trying to leave myself behind
oh please if i could only find rest..
here is my confession-something horrible im going through
i have lost faith in God’s words
i know God is not a liar
but why would he not keep his promises?
i know my pastor would condemn me for saying this
and i know he would probably call me a piece of trash
destined to be doomed for doubting God’s words
but that’s how i feel ..
i want to leave forever cause i cant handle this
stupid face book can’t really help me
but i have to admit writing these notes really does
i don’t know if anyone reads them
but it helps me take out my anger and desperation
why God why God would you not help me?
i can’t ever be perfect like one of those girls from church
ill never fit in
why God do I feel in despair? why hast thou forsaken me?
i don’t feel your mercies or your love in my life
i really have no reason to live or smile
judge me and condemn me if you please
it scares me to death
but i wish it wasn’t this way