despair another thing

despair another thing

i feel used and manipulated that is all i could think of

im confused

i just feel like escaping this reality because i don’t find a solution

i have been struggling with this for a while

and no person on earth seems to understand

i feel pushed, insulted, compared…

i wish just to leave.. forget my family and my “friends”

there is no support or words of wisdom in anyone i find

i just feel like nobody cares

but the heck im 21 years old already

should anyone care about me if i am an adult already?

im just upset with this world and with everything in it

i hate the things that are going on in my life

i feel worthless and useless

i feel guilty

my life is empty

if i end my life..i think my granma and my sister would care ..

my aunt too.. and maybe my mom..

but they don’t give me the strength not to do it

if i escape and go try to make my life somewhere else

on my own

im scared my grandmother would have a heart attack for worrying

but she doesn’t give me the peace to stay

i should get away from them because i am no good

maybe i can go try living on the streets for a while

get on my car, find another city, find another church

find another place, find hope

im trying to escape myself..but what if myself follows me?

im trying to leave myself behind

oh please if i could only find rest..

here is my confession-something horrible im going through

i have lost faith in God’s words

i know God is not a liar

but why would he not keep his promises?

i know my pastor would condemn me for saying this

and i know he would probably call me a piece of trash

destined to be doomed for doubting God’s words

but that’s how i feel ..

i want to leave forever cause i cant handle this

stupid face book can’t really help me

but i have to admit writing these notes really does

i don’t know if anyone reads them

but it helps me take out my anger and desperation

why God why God would you not help me?

i can’t ever be perfect like one of those girls from church

ill never fit in

why God do I feel in despair? why hast thou forsaken me?

i don’t feel your mercies or your love in my life

i really have no reason to live or smile

judge me and condemn me if you please

it scares me to death

but i wish it wasn’t this way

aghh …

Author: Paloma Abigail Rodriguez

My name is Paloma Abigail Rodriguez, and I was born in December 28, 1991 in H. Matamoros Tamaulipas Mexico. I am the oldest child and I have six siblings. I live with my mom, my stepdad, my brothers, and my sister.
I was raised in Mexico by my mom and my grandparents. I went to elementary school in Mexico, and I am a native Spanish speaker. I came to the United States when I was ten years old.
I was blessed to be brought to the United States because I learned the language and many customs and traditions. I am really happy to be where I am and I am proud to be who I am. My Mexican American culture is fantastic, and it is originally from the Valley. I celebrate Seis de Enero Dia de Los Reyes Magos as well as the last Thursday of November Thanksgiving Day. I am also a Christian, and I was saved by Jesus Christ. I am a student at the University of Texas at Brownsville, and I am a Biology major. My career goal is to become a Physician’s Assistant in order to use my knowledge to help people’s health. I really like writing because is an amazing form of expression, and it just feels good to write.

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3 Responses to Another Thing

  1. Eugene Gene Novogrodsky says:

    …did read it, and felt it. There is power in the despair, but also the power that comes from writing what you did. I trust you can find many moments worthwhile ….Many recalled you this summer from last – .marveled at your abilities. I loved your academics, insights, and also love your passion with words. Am reading THE WOMAN UPSTAIRS now …and if you get it, you’ll connect with it. Feel free to email me, [email protected], or even call 956 548 1926; also you can contact Ms. Gallardo; she thinks you’re great. So, keep those medical and literary interests – and plow along. paz pan salud en to pr 8 5 13 rain mist fog cool here in moody Newfoundland

  2. Paloma says:

    Hi Mr. Novogrodsky,
    Thanks for reading my note, happy to hear from you; I am doing much better right now. I was just feeling bad that day because of things that have been going on in my life. I am in vacations right now, and I was working at a summer camp, but it finished two weeks ago. I am excited about going back to school in August, and I am getting ready. I just went to talk to Ms. Cherie today, and I will be working on some applications for the programs they have. I have a question to ask you; I just saw a commercial about the cyclobia biking marathon, and I know you like biking, so I wanted to ask you if you are going to participate. Could I get the details cause I think I am interested; it would be fun! Thanks Mr. Novogrodsky, and hope your doing good. God bless you and see you soon. 🙂

  3. Eugene Gene Novogrodsky says:

    …no won’t be in city – am far far away in distant Newfoundland ….Call Brownsville City Parks Recreation Try to go – fun a night pedal. There will be lights. Be sure to wear a helmet. Am glad you’re doing med applications ….paz pan sald en to pr 8 5 13 from fog rain cold grey, very moody in a tiny cottage, a bay full of choppy waves

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